MIA'S FACE.

Mia's face is the perfect size, not too big not to small. It is a very nice shape and all her features are in the right place. She is quite pale but the nice kind of pale not the vampire pale. Her fringe cover her face a bit but not completely and she doesn't like this. Her eyebrows are a very nice shape as are her eyes, they aren't too small or too big and are in the right place. Her nose is also a nice shape and size, I don't really know how to describe it but it is the same colour as her face and the rest of her body other than a few tan lines. Her mouth is very nice as well, it is the right shape and size and i like it? Her ears are in perfect proportion to her face, not like those weird peole with big ears and small faces. She hides her ears with her hair alot, I think. She believes that she has a big forhead but I think it is about the right size, she is very freckly and hates it but eh, freckles are cool. Her cheekbones, they are very cheekbony and stuff. Her eyes go from blue to green and back again alot. Her lips are naturally red and nicely shaped. I don't see her teeth very often so don't have much to say about them, I'm sure they are very nice though. Her chin is like a cherry shape, I think. It is nice and round, not pointy and ew. She has naturally long eyelashes and doesn't need eye make-up. Her glabella, if thats how you spell it, it the right size not too big so it makes her nose a odd shape and VERY VERY VERY STROKEABLE.

'Cause you can't bandage the damage, you never really can fix a heart

Erugh, you're such a cunt. I actually hate you, I mean, why would you do that to her? Then move onto me? then try and say you're not a horrible person? BLERGH. H A T E  Y O U.  And I have to see you, every morning, looks like I'm sitting on my own in from waheey. kill me, kill me now. idk, everything you said to me last night, how you made me feel, everything about you just makes me want to stab you. I want you to feel the way I did last night, I want you to realise what you say, hurts people.

Looking in the rear view mirror,

Everything is so much clearer,

Watch me wave it all goodbye, goodbye.

I dreamt about you last night, after mum telling me I will see you at Christmas. I don't know how to feel about that, obviously, I want to see you but I won't be able to talk to you, I will see you and be filled with guilt and regret. Yet I miss you like hell. then again, you might not even want to see me, if not then i will know for sure that its not just you not being allowed. It weird, you helped me so much, you stopped me from doing it more than once and now you're just gone, the only way I can know if you're alright is by getting your tweets sent to my phone. I know I will be able to see him, its just you, you that I miss so much, you that I ruined the life&body of, you  that should hate me..

I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken,

I'm gonna say it like its never been spoken,

Tonight, tonight, I'm letting go

Right, I'm going to try my best to make it work with you, understand that this is new to me, I haven't been in this kinda relationship before so obviously, I will be a bit awkward at first. I will hug you like nothing has changed, I will act like nothing is different, at first. I probably won't tell anyone about it other than people who ask or read this. Two of my friends already know, and one of yours. I want to tell her but I don't know how to say it so kinda hoping she asks and is happy for me. Petrified of everyone finding out, judging me. I know it won't last, maybe about a week or two then I will continue hoping one day you suddenly fall in love with me. Hopefully, I will grow to love you, eh? 

I'm gonna give it like its never been taken

I'm gonna fall like I  don't need saving

Okay, last bit, I just wanted to say thank you, to Mia&Jazz for helping me so much last night, it means alot, I love you both ye?♥♥

I don't wanna be me.

I can't do this, I can't do it anymore. Everyday there is like, 100 more hurldles I have to try and get over and im fed up. I'm tired of trying. im tired of trying to fix everything and trying to forget how i feel. im tired of trying to get past it. I'm just tired of being alive. I get happy then something just brings me back down&im fed up. I can't do it. I don't care if this sounds like im just being cowardly or something, I just can't do this. I have that that so much in this post but hey, who cares? I don't expect anyone to try and save me, I don't expect anyone to even care anymore, people are probably used to it by now. I don't have that one person like you do that wants to save you, that will send you massive paragraphs about how much you mean to everyone, im alone. I don't have someone who will talk about me to there friends. I'm jelous. oh well. Now im sitting here, blood dripping down my leg the tablets in front of me, I apoligise if this does actually hurt anyone but goodbye, hopefully forever..

But what about us? What about everything we've been through?

It's always when I'm alone. When I thoughts take over and all I can think about is how disgusting I am. Tbh, anyone who reads my blog probably thinks I'm attention seeking but tbh idc. It's my blog I will post what I like ok. Right, back on subject; I hate who I am, who I have become. I hve forgotten what happiness is even though I explained it to you. I hate that I'm scared of being happy, well I'm scared of the crash I KNOW will happen after. The crash, the more scars. Okay next subject then.

Omg I did no expect that, I don't understand how anyone could like me like that. Idk, I guess I like you to. Well, hey-ho it's worth a try eh? See how it goes.

Okay bored of blogging now, watching HSM 2, jel?:)

I feel the salty waves come in, I feel them crash against my skin.

I don't know how to feel. I don't know if I should be happy he saved you or sad I couldn't do it myself? Sure, I'm delighted that he did, yet I hate myself for not being able to do anything. I considered coming to your house, just running in and telling you how much you mean to everyone and that it's not the answer. I planned it all out in my head. But I couldn't do it. I was scared. Scared that you would get annoyed with me but in reality, I would do anything to help you. Idc if you would get annoyed at me I just don't want you to have to live this way anymore. I'm not going to post this tonight, I will post it tomorrow as I don't want you to get upset anymore. But, please believe me, if there was anything I could do, I would of done it and I'm sorry, for not being good enough.

So here I am, with my best friend laying on me. It's cute:3 I love her. She seems to be able to make everything better. She has kept me from doing something I would regret tonight. I want to just say thank you, jazz. Thank you so much.


I wrote this yesterday by the way

If you feel, so empty, so used up, so let down..

You know when the one ting you were looking forward to gets taken away? It fucking sucks. Its not her fault, of course. Its mine, it mine for telling them, its mine for making your family think im a bad infulence its my fucking fault. Someone kill me? I don't want the clean arms anymore, I don't want the extra numbers on the scales so, I give up. 

I give up trying to get 'better'

I give up trying to get you to care

I give up trying to make you love me

I give up trying to be happy

I give up fake smiling

I give up holding back the tears

I don't care what people think about any of this anymore. chances are I will change my mind and go back to trying to get better but for now, I'm done.

I'm falling and you're no longer there to catch me

I'm fed up.

I'm fed up of the bad days

I'm fed up of the massive highs and painfu lows

I'm fed up of the lonelyness

I'm fed up of the self hatred

I'm fed up of the jealousy

I'm fed up of life

I'm fed up of being here

I'm just fed up of everything

'Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect'

One day, near or far I don't know, it will happen again. One day, it will work. I wold of fially got what I wanted. No-one will know, untill they find me, hanging from somewhere, then they will look at my twitter they will see how much I have been stuggling. They won't understand that this is what I want. They will just think that it was a mistake because they won't be able to face the fact that not everything is right and not everyone is always happy. To be honest, I can't wait for that say to come. The day everyone finally notices who I am, who I have been for over a year now. I will finally be gone, happy, dead.

No-one can ever change this animal i have become

Well, I fucked that up. I don't even know why I thought I could do it, why I thought I would be able to get past this. BLERGH. I have let everyone down, im a disgrace.

FRIDAY. IT WILL BE BETTER THAN TODAY OMG EXCITMENT. I have missed Jazz so much tho:'c  

I'm so proud of her for being able to do this, so much I shall be making her a present, bc i luff her. Friday will be amazing though, she will be in my bed, yay:') omg I'm actually in a good mood other than what happened earlier and feeling guilty about that. Speaking of feeling guilty- Net:749- I guess its good because trying to recover but blergh, fat fat fat:'( 

OKAY BAI BAI