And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand

School. School is probably the root of all of my problems at the moment. I've been crying in almost every lesson because I'm the only one who doesn't understand and I can't cope. I know its my fault, I should never of stopped going to school but I hate it. I don't just hate it like everyone does, I hate it so much that being there makes me want to do it again. I would do anything to get out of there, even just for the day but no-one understands. No-one thinks its that important because I don't have a real reason for hating it, I mean, I don't get bullied, I don't get loads of hate or anything like that I just can't handle being there. I was f i n e at filsham, I went to school, I got on with the lessons, I managed to learn. I don't know if it was the whole change thing or anything I just can't handle it. I want to move school but mum says I can't just run away, but in all honestly if I don't get moved I will stop going completly, idc. 

I've given up in most lessons because I'm so far behind, Sophie tells me that I shouldn't give up but its hard, you know? Its hard being the only one who doesn't know whats going on, the only one who can't consentrate because she's worried about something else, worried about having to go home, worried about how much I've eaten. petrified that everyone is laughing at me because they can see I'm not doing the work, I just hate it. 

But I have to go, I have to go in. I'm going to start taking my blades, I can't do it without them. I need to know I have them if I need them. I'm sorry for not being able to do this.

I'm sorry for,

Not

being

good

enough.