Friends, 2013 and Christmas

I'm slowly accepting that not many people like me anymore. I mean, I miss having lots of friends and being able to sit with them at school and all but I don't miss having to try and be someone else so they still like me, if that makes sense? 

It's almost the end of 2013, let's just go over this year. 

Good things in 2013:

I recovered

Me and jazz got stronger and closer

I made up with Nigel

Mum had a baby

I made friends with Jordan

I got closer with jam

I kinda found myself 

I got closer with mum 

I made friends

Bad things this year:

I ruined things with Chelsea

I made a lot of mistakes in my relationship 

Grandpa rob died

Nan got ill

I upset a lot of people 

And a lot more

I guess, 2013 has been pretty shitty but I've been left stronger at the end of it. I mean, I've recovered. Chances are there were a lot more good things than that, but I guess the bad things always stand out more. Onto friends. 

Friends I've made this year:

Jordan

Jam(was that this year I think it was idek) 

Alice

Millie Doyle 

Marie(twitter)

Chantelle(twitter)

Katie(twitter) 

Morgan(?) 

Frankie

Christine 

Emilie(?) 

And probably some more

Friends I've lost/almost lost/think I may of lost:

Chelsea

Chardae

Millie

Deanna(?) 

Charlotte

Sophie 

Jordan 

Jam(almost, sorry, pls don't hate me)

And more

People I have now that I feel I could hang out with: 

Jazz

Jordan

Jam

Alice

Chantelle(but I can't:c)

Marie(but I can't:c)

Mia

Tigs

And some more

People I have now that care and I feel I could talk to about stuff:

Jazz

Mia(?) 

I don't blame anyone but myself for how many friends I have lost this year. I am fully aware that it's my fault because I don't think before I do/say things and my bad thoughts cause me to push people away. If I could change the way I am I would do anything to do it. My sadness makes me loose friends because I shout a lot for no reason. 

I think this year the two things that effected me most was my grandad dying and everything with Chelsea and co, but the Chelsea stuff was more because it was on top of a lot of other bad things going on at the same time and I just ended up being called an attention seeker a lot. 

Christmas

Okay so, today I found really hard. At my Nan's Christmas  party, my grandads boyfriend was here but obviously, Grandpa Rob wasn't. It didn't seem the same him not being there. Even if he never really said much, it was so nice him just being there but this year he wasn't. I really struggled with that. Also, my auntie not being there, it's not her fault that she's disabled and can't get down here but I would love to have her there for Christmas. 

On the bright side, I had a nice time with my family and got lots of lovely things. 

That's all I guess

C'ya when I next bother lmao

#festive