I just can't be alone..

Why isn't this getting better? I mean, I want to be happy but nothing is letting me.
You were keeping me going, now you;re gone. I don't understand why, I mean, I know that you have alot going on and you need to get back on your feet but I love you&I could of helped you. You said you want us to stay friends yet we haven't talked since it happened? I want to try and talk to you but if I do /i might be annoying you. I just don't want you to stop loving me, you said it like this was just a break but how long can a break last without talking and still be 'in love'.

Salvador, despite the fact that you have hurt me, I will still help you through this, I love you♥

For a little while I think I need to focus on myself and sorting myself out. That probably sound really selfish but I can't carry on this way. Things have to get better, FAST. For this reason I will give up on relationships, give up on making everyone else happy, just until I can smile, and mean it. But I'm sure that won't last, the miniute someone else is upset im going to try&help them and the second you're ready to take me back im going to give in. Oh well, fuck it, I would be happier with you anyway.

Most of that probably made no sense, oh well, idec. 

This is it.

I'm sorry to anyone who would actually care. I'm not doing this because of anyone I just can't carry on anymore.

                                                                         Goodbye.

I'm nothing anymore.

Oh fuck sake, I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to do this, I'm slowly losing everyone. I can't cope. Its to hard. ARGHH.
You were like one of my best friends, I don't care if you're an animal, I loved you. To find out that you were gone killed me inside, it genuinly made me want to be sick. I remember that time, when I was 6 and I got int he cage with you and slept there with you, you were the best dog I have ever met. R.I.P Alfred♥

I don't even know anymore, I don't know how I feel, how you feel, what you want me to do, I don't know anything untill you tell me. I want to feel like I can trust you&Like you can trust me, is that too much to ask? I love you and I'm sorry that it has turned out this way. I'm sorry I forgot about that and if you don't like me being with him then just tell me&I will do something about it, for you. Just please, next time you feel like this, tell me? I care okay? I hope you feel the same..

Mia♥

GAAAAAAAH

Omg I feel terrible. You're there talking about how you are going to try and not brea this promise&I have broke it like, 4 times. I want to tell you but I don't want you to get annoyed at me, GAAAH. I love you so much, I just want to help you. I don't like you being upset, I want there to be a way I could make things better for you, a way I could fix everything...I just love you too much. 

I need you. So much more than you will ever know.

I think about you everyday.

Everything we used to have. 

• How we would play teachers and babies 
• How we would see each other at least once a month. 
• How that hill my clambers was 'The roller coster hill'
• That time when we told each other what we had for christmas then had to lie to my mum&your mum about it
• How close we were
• How we could talk about anything
• How you trusted me
• How I thought I helped you
• How you helped me

Then I fucked it up. I ruined it for you and for me. I know none of this is you're fault. I just pray to god that you're not aloud to see me/talk to me and not that you're choosing not to. It will kill me inside if you just didn't want to see or talk to me. I mean, I need you, so much, you are my everything. You have saved me, made me tell mum about the OD, made me get hep and now you won't even talk to me? We had so many good times, please remember that? I'm so sorry for doing this and giving you this idea. I just miss you Chloe, all I want is a text, or a message on facebook to tell me you're okay, please? I mean after everything we have been through I at least deserve that right? 

I need a hug.

I know you don't love me.

I know you hardly even like me.

I know what I say won't affect you at all but, I love you and I'm gonna miss you.

Why didn't you tell me you were moving? I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite really.

Oh well, I mean, its not like I got a place. So I have to stay here, in this shit hole while you get to go.

We got so close.

I want it back.

Whats the point now that you're going? 

Just know I'm gonna miss you.

Ashley</3

 I try to open my eyes

I try to see but   I'm blinded by the white light.

Not gonna lie, I got excited when I thought I could get out, when I thought that I could get away. But now I can't. This is the reason I didn't tell anyone. Incase I didn't get in. Now I'm stuck here. For a whole year. BRILL. I will have to pretend I don't mind though won't I? I can't handle another day like Tuesday. Teachers are emant to be making it better but I don't know how thye would? I;m helpless, useless, fed up..

How could this happen to me?

I've made my mistakes

Got no-where to run

I want the old days back. The days when I was ahppy. When this never happened. I don't understand what happened to make me like this? I hate myself. I hate what I have become yet I'm not doing anything to change it. But now I feel numb. Like I have no emotion. I guess this is better than I could be. 

I'm done for today. Most of this probably made no sense. I don't care.

Goodbye.

Now its over, it's over, it can't be over.

Just as I was starting to believe that is wasn't my fault you tell me that. At least now I know. It gives me motivation to stop tbh. I have ruined everything for you for her for them. I'm a terrible person, I know that,not I'm not going to see you on my birthday and I'm not going to see him all because of this. All because of HER. I fucking hate you. You CAN NOT come between my relationship with her, I don't care if you think you're protecting her.Stopping her from getting upset. Thats not gonna fucking help! But you never know, I might be able to help her...
Chloe, I hope you know, I'm so sorry for making you like this and i would do anything to go back in time and stop myself from telling anyone.
Gaynor, go and fucking die. Twat.

My tear fun down like razorblades 

And no,I'm not the one to blame,

Its you, or is it me?

Do you know how hard it is to try and help you with her? I love you. So much. its actually hard to handle. But I'm gonna do it, I'm going to try and help you with everything with that girl you like and I will try and make you happy because, to be honest, as long as you're happy, I will pull through.

Salvador, I will always love you.

Can life not just give me a break, for fuck sake?!

Need, Want, whats the difference?

I need a hug.
I need someone to love me.
I need someone to care about me.
I need my best friend.
I need my cousin.
I need my Auntie. 
I need who my dad used to be.
I need my granddad to be better.
I need him♥ 
I need to get out of here. 
I need to get away for everyone
I need to be skinny.
I need to be fun.
I need to be pretty.
I need to be smart.
I need to BE you.
I would do anything to talk to my cousin again
I would do anything to get dads life back for him.
I would do anything to be with Him♥
I would do anything to make my Auntie better.
I would do anything to be with my best friend all the time. 
I would do anything to save my granddad.
I would do anything to die.

Happy, for once:D

You know when you just want to talk about something but you're not aloud to tell anyone so you can't? Yeah, I hate that. ARGH.
Other than that im in a good mood.
lol, tits,
My bestfriend makes me happy;) Mia♥♥
heh, vagina.
I have a wall full of pictures of me and my best friend because I luff her dat much lol:)xoxoxox
VAGINA.
Done for this blog post.
PEACE OUT BITCHES!♥

ARGH

Haven't felt this bad in so long. Everyday its worse. I can't carry on like this. If nothing changed soon I'm gonna be pushed to breaking point. I fuckin' know it.