i gve up with titles

This post is gonna be about pretty much everything. I want to start with doing a list of people i consider myself 'close' with.
Jazz
Jam
Mia-Rose
Mia-Ella
Alice
Jai
Chelsea
Millie
Chloe
Thats it. I know, I complain that I have no friends, I say I'm alone and evrything but I know I'm not. Today I felt more alone than ever, I felt like everyone was turning against me, like everyone was just ignoring me. Thing is, I can deal with being sad, I can deal with being suicidal, I can deal with being depressed but I can't deal with feeling alone or empty or numb. those three just make me want to die more than anythign ese, i can't even explain it erugh.

I've started smoking, basically I want to change everything about myself. i want to go out late drinking, I want to do drugs and dress like a slut. You may think its stupid but hoenstly, if you were to hate yoursef as much as I do you don't really care who you change into as logn as you're not you anymore. Maybe it will make me like myself? maybe it will make me get better? Maybe it will help me be a better person in some way? Long story short, I'm not doing any of that bc jazz said that if i did she would stop loving me h a h.

i giht add to this later on bye

This is my oath to you

okay so its 5:36am. I woke up at 4, watched skins and now i can't get back to sleep. My ear hurts like hell and I've run out of oj so I'm gonna blog. Right, I've been so stressed with school recently with having to pick options again and we were doing lots of tests and I've been poorly as well so its been even harder to concentrate on anything going on in the test so I'm gonna do shit, but thats okay, i already know i'm stupid. Today Jazz is in london with her grandparents, I want her to have a gr9 time, she deserves it. Mia is in france s we speak, probably sleeping. I hope she has wifi, I wouldn't want her to get sad and end up doing something silly and no be able to stop it from happening. I love all my friends and I couln't never cope with loosing any of them. not one.

Wherever you go just always remember

You gotta home for now and forever

And when you get low just call me whenever

this is my oath to you

I'm 10 days self harm free and I have recovered from my borderline bulimia. I'm really scared of it coming back because  I know if it does then its gonna be stronger and ore liking to develop more net time. I'm trying to stay positive but its hard because i've seen it happen to so many other people on twitter and it happened to Mia, I'm just really scared. In all honestly, I never wanted it to go and i still want it back but i'm too weak to get it back. I'm too weak to start purging all the time again, I'm too weak to cut everytime i binge and don't purge. I'm too weak for fasting. I'm too weak for all of that now, I'm just stuck 'getting better'.

idk im bored of blogging now
my ear hurts
my is tummy hurts probably bc im fat
im self-hating at 9am wow
lol todays gonna be shit
im alone all day
a l o n e

bye☺

Love is not like anything, especially a fucking knife

fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//stupid//sad//fat//ugly//

ME

Oh look, Katies sad again. 

Oh look, Katies self hating again

Oh look, Kate wants to die again.

Oh look, Katie wants to tear her skin apart again

Oh look, it happens so much no-one cares anymore.

So basically, everyones got fed up of me. Everyones realise I'm always sad and chances are there isn't anything anyone can do about it. Jaz makes me better, Jazz always makes me happy, she good at that, you know? She hasn't gone yet, not quite yet. Shes gonna leave me soon though, I know she will. She will get fed up. Everyone does in the end. 

Cuts/Scars: 439[not enough]

Weight: 123lbs

Hight: 5'3

GW: 110lbs

UGW:100lbs

UGW2: 80lbs

bye