Okay so, i got a place at Helendwood and that really scares me. I know everyone will hate me there. I really wanted to start new, you know? I wanted to be able to be normal, i didn't want everyone to know I cut, I didn't want anyone to know about my twitter, I didn't want anyone to know how sad I get and how much i hate myself but its too late for that. I can do it, I'm sure I can. I can go there, I can smile and eat, I can not cut in the toilets. I don't want to upset jazz while I'm there so I will eat and just purge it if i need too. I'll try not to cut there. I'm sure I won't because Jazz will be there, jazz will know if I'm gonna cut. Thats another thing that scares me, I kinda used SLA as a way of fasting and cutting without worrying about being found but I won't be able to do that there. Well, bring on net monday sigh.
This is another test
which I would fail and at my best , oh
always ending the same
Okay so, I was trying to get better. I am trying to get better but its so fucking hard. Daily I consider just giving up because skinny is everything I want at the moment. Every ngiht I tell myself I will fast tomorrow but I never do. I need skinny but I need to make Jazz proud. Today my thigh gap came, but its too small. Its needs to be bigger and one day i'll get there even if its when I'm older and I do it a healthy way.
bored fo blogging ok bai
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