I don't need to be the hero tonight

I was doing so well, 30 hours, thats the longest I've ever been without eating and then i just ruin it with a binge. I was so proud of myself, well now for a few days my intake will be under 400 and then I will do another fast. I haven't purged in so long, I've been getting urges to but I pretend they aren't there beacuse I don't want to admit that I might actually be ill. I think I'm getting better, I mean, I'm happier now, most of the time anyway. I can actually be happy for more than a few hours, ofc when everyone else is sad I make myself sad because I feel guilty for being happy but still, I can actually do it, I guess the tablets are working

Open up wide

Swallow down deep

No spoonful of sugar could make it sweet

Its happened again..I've lost contact with her again. I need her and from what shes said, she need me too. They can't do this, why don't they understand that taking everything away from her isn't going to help? Honestly, if I can't see her at christmas I'm gonna freak out, I need her so much, I need to hug her, I need to go for a walk with her, anything, I just need to see her. I will go to their house if I don't have permission to see her, idec about what they say anymore

Come undone

Surrender is stronger

I don't need to be the hero tonight

'I'm probably going to attempt tonight'

Please don't do this, I know it may seem like I only care when you say things like this but thats because other times I try to hide how much it upsets me when you're sad and I can't help. When you say things like this I forget about not wanting to make myself look clingy or anything and I focus on trying to help you. You are my everything, without you I wouldn't be here now. I'm so scared that one day I'll just get a phone call from your mum or dad, they'll say that you took your own life and then they will question me as to why I didn't stop you. Please Jazz, please don't leave me to fight this alone. I can't do it alone. I know, school might be hard at the moment but soon I will be there and things will get better, I promise they will, you just need to stay for me. If not for anyone else then do it for me. Please don't go, jazz, please..

Stay for more times like this, stay for the happy times that make you forget about all the sad things, stay for me..