Its actually really hard because last week no-one knew how bad I am at the moment and now people know they still don’t really care
I just feel like I’m not really anyones first choice or someone else is always more important than me
I’m probably just being selfish
but I just want someone to really care you know? Ive spent so long just putting the way I feel bad and pretending I’m okay so I can help others but no-one would ever do that for me. I guess I can’t expect anyone too, I don’t expect anyone too i just idk
I’m just so sad and suicidal all the time at the moment and its killing me, you know? I havent overdosed/attempted in so long and I miss the rush that you get when you know you could be dead by the time you wake up. I want that, I wan the rush, I want people to worry about me, I want someone to try and stop me but no-one takes me seriously, everyone just thinks I’m attention seeking. I’m not, well, i am but I’m not. I want somebody to care and try to make me feel better but I want to be left alone to die
I just don’t know what to do anymore, I’m so stuck and suicidal and alone
None of this has really changed since i posted it but its not important. The most important thing right now is to help Jazz through all of this shit going on for her.
i love you jazz
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