no-one can ever change this animal I have become

Not good at doing a blog post, I'm not good at alot of things, actually. I've moved to helenswood, its okay. I like the school in general and the teachers are nice. Its weird like, I actually have friends there and they actually want me there, it makes everything alot easier just knowing i can go to school and see Jazz and everyone and actually be happy. The only real problem is that I'm not in jazz's classes so that makes things quite hard because not good with new people. In PE i got told someone was talking about me and things like that really effect me, like more than anything. It was like and automatic trigger and i just started getting voices in my head telling me its because I'm hat and ugly and they all hate me already and I was just breaking down so when we went back to the changing rooms i cut in the toilets. I needed that release.

I'm too lazy to put song lyrics between the paragraphs today. Not long ago I realise that I don't have a friend who isn't depressed. Honestly, I don't mind it but when you just need someone to cheer you up its hard because chances are everyone else is sad. tbh I just want to make them happy, if I could take away all the sadness and self hatred out of there lives and put it all on me, i would do it. They all deserve to be happy, I don't. I deserve everything i've got.[jazz, alice, mia, mia, jai, chelsea, chardae, starla, and anyone elsew who i may have forgotten who is sad ever]

Recovery is a thing I'm trying again. I failed last time, I probably will this time too. I don't want to write too much about it bc if i think about it too much i will change my mind again. I have thrown away my blades and i'm trying to eat properly and not purge it. honestly, there is no point in recover if im not even ill but yahknow. 

Forever a mayday parade fangirl

bye lol