Monday 28 January 2013

bye


I want to leave a note. I don't want to post it on twitter, I don't want anyone to know until its too late which is why I'm posting it on here. I need to say bye but I don't want anyone to stop me. I want people to understand that this is what i want, its all I want now.

Mum: goodbye mum. I'm sorry that all of this work that has gone into tryign to make me 'better' has been a waste. I'm sorry I have made things harder for you and this is why its for the ebst that I am gone. You have to remember that this is what I want. Me being here is making everything alot worse for everyone and I'm sorry. I love you, stay happy.

Ethan&Kim: Okay, hi guys. Kim, I doubt you'll ever remember me. I hope you grow up forgetting that I was even even here because you deserve happiness more than anything. I love you, beautiful. Have a good life okay? Do what you want, be free and never be sad with the way you lok because you are perfect. Ethan, you might remember me when you're older but hopefully this won't make a big impact on your life. You've never really known me it will just be like a friend moving away and now coming back. I love you, be happy and never ler anyone tell you anything that isn't that you're perfect.

Nigel&Andy&Tony: Nigel, don't blame yourself for this. I know you probably won't btu if you do then stop. You've enver really understood but I hope now that I'm gona you will realise how sad i was in life and that its better for me this way. Look after mum, don't let her be sad. Make sure she remembers I am happier now and this is what I have wanted for so long. Andy, the same for you. Don't blame yourself, none of this was your fault. I know you won't be sad and if you are then you'll get over it. Stop the drugs, stop everythng. get your life back on track and if you feel like you have no motivation then think of me. Having a real dad who cared probably would've saved me at least a tiny bit. But thank you for being there when you were. Tony, I'm not going to even pretend you'll care. stay happy

Auntie Josie&Uncle richard: Auntie Josie, don't feel like you could've saved me. You tried your hardest and I respect you so much for that. I'm really proud of you for getting through everything thats been going on, you deserve the best and I hope things are sorting themselves out for you at least a bit. Carry on with your life and normal and just remember I am happy now. Uncle Richard, I'm so proud of you. You have done so much with your life its fab. Carry on, don't get sad about me going, just smile and get on with things:)

Lucy: Hi Lucy, I don't know why i'm writing you a bit as i doubt you really care that much. We haven't know each other very long, we didn't start out very well but its all good now. Stay strong and happy, okay? Look after Jazz and anyone else that might get upset.

Jam: I'm sorry. Jam, you are beautiful, skinny and none of the bad thigns you say about yourself. stay happy, look after anyone who needs it. Eat, stop cutting, do it all for me, yeah? I love you, stay strong.

Alice: Hi Alice. This si gonna be one of the hardest ones to write. Thank you so much, you've helped me one million and I'm sorry that I don't say that enough. I love you, you are pretty and you are skinny and you are none of the bad things you say about yourself. You deserve to be happy and one day I'm sure you will be, you just need to fight it. fight it for me if not for anyone else. I knwo you don't want to get better but you should, you deserve to stop cutting and start eating properly. You deserve to live a happy life and now I'm not here for you to have to look after. ily stay strong

Chloe: Right, okay, idek how I'm going to write this btu I need to say it anyway. I'm sorry, I knwo you say I shouldn't blame myself but its hard when you have been told its your fault. You shouldn'e be liek this you used to be so happy, WE used to be so happy. You need to get better, you need to stop cutting. chloe you are perfect and you need to see that. I love you, don't be sad that I'm gone, be happy that now you don't have to look after me and that I am also happy now. I love you and I'm sorry

Mia: I'v left this oen till near the bottom because I know how hard it will be. I'm sorry I make you so sad, I' sorry you get sad at all. I wish I could've helped you more, I wish I could've made things better for you before I went but you don't need me anymore. You have everyone else, everyone loves you and just want you to be happy. You are skinny, you are beautiful, you are smart and kind. You are none of the things you say about yourself, okay? i know you won't believe me but why would I lie if I'm just about to die? I love you so much, carry on your life as normal, be happy, stay with euan, let him help you. Pretend I was never even here, goodbye, Mia.

Jazz: Okay, I've left this oen till last ebcause I've been dreading it for so long. I need to to know that I'm doing this for me. It says in my rules to be selfish, so I am. You don't need me as much as you think you do, you can make more friends, they will look after you and make you happy. I'm sorry I'm leaving, I know I promised I wouldn't but I can't do it anymore. I've gotten alot worse lately and its killing me. I no longer feel alive unless I'm with you. I doubt this will work, but if it does know that I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you want to die, not ever. I'm sorry i wrote that blog post, I can tell you're still upset about it and I'm so fucking sorry. i knwo you don't believe me but you are perfect. You have been my only reason to stay for so long but now all the bad things have overpowed it and I jsut can't cope anymore. None of this was your fault, remeber that, oaky? You are skinny, You are pretty, you are smart, you are kind, you are perfectly weird, you are funny, you are cute, You are perfect. I'm not sure what else there is to say other than thank you, you have helped me through all of this btu now its jsut got too much. I'm sorry, I love you so much. Never forget me, yeah?



Okay so, I know this probably won't work, I mean, it never does and I'm sorry if I've put you through alot of stress tonight just to still be here in the morning. No-one do anything silly, okay? stay strong, all of you. I am happier now knowing that this could be my last ngith suffering. I don't expect one million people to care like they did for Mia, I don't expect that at all. I don't expect anyone to care int he morning, if i'm still here. It will jsut be another normal, shitty day.

So I'm sorry, I love you all, goodbye.
Katie, the one that committed suicide.

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