Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk

I'm awake at 6:17am, crying. I don't have school, I have no real reason to be crying. I just didn't want to wake up. I was hoping I would just die in  my sleep butI haven't and I have to face another day licing in this hell. I don't deserve to live, I'm too fat, too ugly, too stupid. I was a mistake, mum never wanted to have me&I wish she never did. Nigel  doesn't want me, no-one does anymore. i'm a l o n e. I won't cut, I won't try to commit, one day I will but not today. Today I wil smile, I will pretend that I am happy just so I don't hurt anyone any longer. I want to say sorry, to everyone I have ever hrt but that is too many people to say sorry too. All I've ever really done is hurt people.

I cannot cry because 

I know thats weakness in your eyes

One night. It was only gone for one night now you're back in my head again. I know to everyone else it seems like im making a massive deal out of this but its hard, for me. I know, Mia had it 100x worse and of course, if I could make them go away for her I would but I can't. It won't go away, the dreams that you are coming back. They make me so scared that you actually will. I know most people that were in our group have forgotten about it but it still hurts me. I still think about it everyday and you don't even know. I panic everytime I go out that you might of moved back down here, or come to visit and that I will see you. If I did see you, I wouldn't say or do anything I would cry. I can't live like this anymore, You really messed me up..