What has happened to me? I don't even know who I am anymore.

Omg today tho. Going to the nurse to ending up in an ambulance. Idk, been so weird. I don't regret it. One day, one of these will actually work. I done it in front of my friends and no-body noticed. Because everyone was to busy being happy and living the life they want. Where as me, I would do anything to be someone else. To have a life that I actually want to live. From now on I will be getting forced to eat. And forced to be happy. Why don't you understand that I want to die? I hate feeling like you don't care. I live you&watching you to care about me like I care about you. I never want to spend all day in hospital again. I never want to see CAMHS again. I just never want to be in this place but I worry I will never get out. Mia, tomorrow, could I have a hug? Sophie, tomorrow, can you make me feel like I mean something to you? Jazmin, tomorrow, can you carry on being you?:3

Can I just be happy?