What would you say if one day I just, disappeared?

There's lots of people on this beach yet I feel so alone. Everyone keeps looking at me as they walk past, have you never seen a crying teenage girl before? All I can think about is how many calories was in that sandwich. How I deserve a cut per calorie but I can't because I'm trying to recover. Everyday it feels like recovery is getting further away, like I will never really get there. I want to be free from theses disorders but I can face the fact that I will put on that weight I spent ages trying to get rid of. I wouldn't be here, in tears, if I saw you today but no, stupid fucking buses.
I shouted at the CAMHS lady. She said that moving school won't help and that I can't just run away. She doesn't understand how shit I feel when im there. If I can't get out, frankly, I just won't go anymore. It's up to mum what she would want more.
This can't be right. I swear I can see 'failure' and 'fat' written in the stones. The voices are telling me I should just jump in the sea. And just lay. Just lay untill I die but you can't drown yourself, unfortunately. I'm scared, of myself, of what I can do to myself, of going back to school tomorrow. I'm worried that everyone hates me now. I need someone to save me. Anyone. I need to be free.