Today has just been so terrible. It's been one thing after another, from breaking my family apart, to cutting at break, and then boys joking about self ha in science. Days like this make me want to stop going. Make me want to stop being alive.
I knew it would happen soon&i knew it would be my fault. It always is. I'm always the one to set you off, aren't I? I guess knowing that you are coming back I should be happy about but I'm not. In a way I guess I wish you weren't coming back. I wouldn't have to spend all my time being scared of if you are going to flip out again.
Why would you joke about that? How stupid are you? You don't know who could be going through that. Who you could be hurting. Unless you have been through it, you won't understand it. At least he apologised, you didn't. You saw me running out crying, you knew it was because of you. I hate you
I need to stop taking the to school but the thought of not having them if I needed them scares me. I know it's wrong, I know it's messed up, but I can't stop. I've tried. I have. But I miss it when I do try. I miss the scars and everything about it(I use this blog as a diary a lot of the time so I won't apologise for coming across as attention seeking bc idc) anytime I try to stop I convince myself that a few more cuts won't hurt, a few more scars.
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