I will start tomorrow, I will continue until I can't even stand. From now on, water and diet coke will be my best friends. No more than a net of 100 and if I go over I will punish myself, it's the only way I'm going to learn. I will get to my GW then I will get to my UGW if I try hard enough, right? I will not show weakness. I will make excuses for not eating. I can do this. Nothing will taste as good as skinny will feel.
I'm going to stop talking to her, it's obvious that me getting close with her is hurting you so I will stop. I don't want to hurt you because after all she was your friend first, I never should of got close with her. I knew it would hurt you yet I done it anyway, I'm sorry for being such a terrible person to you. But I hope you too get close again&i won't get in the way.
I don't want to go back there but in a way, I do. I will be able to get assessed and everyone will finally realise I'm not just being stupid, I'm not just sad. They can give me tablets and get me out of this hole. They can make me better, right? I just have to say the right things, make sure I don't make myself sound happier than I really am this time. I'm pretty sure the only reason they at doing this is because of everything I said to mum yesterday morning
'It's just another reason I don't want to live'
'Im not just being stupid, I genuinely want to die'
Ergh I'm so stupid, why would I even say that? I've made things 100x worse for her.
I'm still waiting for these to heal, i don't care of its been like 2-3 days, I need them to go away. I'm fed up of panicking when I hear my family come home because I don't have a jumper on. Thing is, say that I guess really I don't want them to heal, as soon as they do I will just want them back am everyone knows I have no self-control hen it comes to this.
Anyway, life is a poo ok bai.
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