You keep trying to get inside my head, While I keep trying to loose the words you said

I don't want to be here, with you in this house. you make me want to be sick yet I have to see you everyday. I'm scared of her going out and leaving me with you again, I'm scared of what you will say, what you will do. I can't even tell anyone, they won't believe me, they will think I'm attention seeking. I can't tell mum because I don't want to hurt her, so what are my options? I have none. I will have to stay here, living in this hell with him. Waiting for the next comment, the next joke, the next bit of violence.. 

Little girl terrified,

She'd leave her room if only bruises would heal

I don't mean to make you feel that way, like you are second choice. I don't mean to upset you by being alive. I don't mean to hurt you in any way, but I do, don't I? Just be existing hurts you. Everything I do hurts someone. I want you to tell me I would be better of dead. I want you to be honest and say how much eaiser things would be for you if I was never born, if we never got close. I'm the reason you get so much anon hate, Its because of me, what I turned myself into. I'm sorry that I have made things harder for you, hopefully I wont be alive much longer.

Pain, without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

Because I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all 

I knew trying to stop would be hard, I never thought it would be this hard. I don't have a choice but to stop now, do I? I have no blades, no way of doing it, even if I wanted to. Over the last year and a bit I have ruined my body, left scars everywhere that aren't going to heal. Scars that my children will ask me about, scars that will always remind me the I was this person. 

She gave it her best, she tried to fit in, she tried to be cool but she could never win,

Her mum says she great, the kids think she's weird, honestly she wish she could disappear.