I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

I shouldn't have it planned out, I know it wrong but I do. I don't know when it will happen but soon its going to all get to much and I will give in the the voices, I know it. I will cause arguments, just so no-one would miss me.I will make everyone hate me. Then, after a couple of days I will just disappear. No-one will notice, no-one will care because they all hate me. After that if I don't succeed everyday I will try again, I will keep going till I finally get what I want. 

Look at this photograph

Every time I do it makes me laugh..

I keep looking at my photo album of pictures of us. I miss us being close, you know? But I guess its better this way. I thought us being not as close would cause less arguments but I don't think it will. I keep getting annoyed at the tiniest thing. One day I'm not gonna be able to stop myself and I will just kick off, I know it. I apologise in advance for that. I hate the thought of us not being friends yet I can't handle feeling like I'm not as important to you as everyone else. I constantly feel like I'm not good enough to be your friend, like you used/feel like with George. I feel like you're so much better than me, I feel like you belong with George&Euan and all of them and I just follow you around and thats not what I want to do. I just want to feel good enough for you.

And we'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat

Well my fast failed, haha. I'm doing a new thing now, it should make me loose 5lbs. Then  can just do that and evantually get where I want to be. I'm not gonna give up, I will keep going until I get there. I'm sure. I will get everything I want.

• Hipbones
• Thigh gap
• Collarbones 
• Skinniness

'Nothing will taste as good as skinny will feel'

'Calories can'y make you happy'

                                                                                                                        But here we are

We're here tonight..

Its Saturday tomorrow. I get to see Jazz tomorrow. Tomorrow Jazz can fix me. She can make it better, she can make me realise that I don't deserve to die&that I do have a reason to live. She can do it, she always can. I just need her, she is my world, I would be dead without her. She can make me change my mind, right? I just need her to hug me&tell me she loves me. I need her to tell me it will be okay and that I can get through this. I need her to tell me this isn't the end.